The Gutting of the Pumpkins

    Last night we tackled the much anticipated gutting of the pumpkins:) We picked up a couple nice big ones last week at the little farmers market close by. They were $5 a pumpkin, any size. Great deal, we got some big ones! I found a really neato Tinkerbell design as well as a nice lightning bug one, but in the end we let the kids draw the faces they wanted on the pumpkins. Strangest part of the carving is when we cut the top off of Afton's pumpkin we found it to be rotting from the inside out:/ Gross. It looked fine on the outside. I was given the lovely job of cleaning that one out... Rotting pumpkin stinks.

Grateful

    Wow. Read this article.

    Found this article via Facebook today. Likely you have already read it, because that is how Facebook is, but if not do so. It is really good. Her ending point, we each have today with our kids. I think I need reminded each and every day of that. It made me think of my terrible time management skills, and how I stress about the state of my house (which remains a mess), rather then play. I so wish I could attach myself to the " my house is a mess but I am a awesome Mom" crowd, but I can't. My mom skills are trial and error every day. Some days I worry it will be my biggest failure. 

   What I can be is grateful. Grateful that I have gotten to look into their eyes today. I have gotten their hugs. I have heard their voices (talking, laughing, screaming, crying). I know their sweet smells, and their not so sweet:/ Tonight as I tuck them in to bed, they will be comforted by my voice and want me to sing, and I will get to hold them as they drift off to sleep. Unlike this mother, I can think and plan for their futures. Dream of who they will be when they grow up. It is hard to not take this for granted. But tonight I am grateful for the reminder. 

  

Thoughts on loneliness...

   There are days sometimes that I just feel sad. Usually the feeling doesn't stay terribly long, often it causes self-pity, and always it dissipates once I am able to talk and express myself. Gone away for a time, until it pays me a visit another day. I find myself drawn to solitude (most definitely an introverted personality), and yet even when I find some comfort in solitude there still exists in me a yearning for connection. I yearn to be truly known. Many will say that is the beauty of Christianity, to be fully known and fully accepted. And on that level, it is a beautiful concept. Yet, still not enough. The yearning for connection between people still remains. The internet is a wonderful tool for the expressing and sharing of ideas. Also, a tremendous manipulator. You feel the freedom to express yourself and connect, stay in touch, etc... You may even have yourself convinced you are in fact truly connected. Such a shallow depth of real friendship. I crave to swim into deep depths with a few others willing to go deeper. "Few" because you can't honestly connect at those levels with many. To my own sadness I have let relationships go untended, friendships that have 'real' history. I miss talking and hearing a voice (can you tell yet that I spend way more time texting on the phone than speaking on it). I hate that I wait until I have a reason to talk to someone, before I talk to them. I feel like I don't want to to just call for no reason, don't want to intrude in their time. I think a part of what makes me a person is desperately tired of the lack of connection. I need to just pick up the phone (what about the fear of rejection though!...Another topic for another blog).  We are social beings after all. Found this quote today, an interesting thought on loneliness. 

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” 
― C.G. Jung

Creative and Great Message

Old Stomping Grounds

    It has been years since I have even thought about this blog. Honestly I didn't even think I would remember how to log in (turns out Google runs Blogspot, so no problem there). Not exactly sure what my intentions are getting on here and posting again, but I am extremely fatigued by Facebook and all the wonderful garbage it has to offer. So many people are on Facebook and using it for all their communications with friends and family, that I find myself almost feeling trapped to keep on it for fear of losing touch of family. But that entrapment is burdensome. So I guess I still want an outlet and I am going to give our old blog some attention, and just see what I do with it.
   Maybe I am alone with feeling stressed from Facebook. I love that I can quickly find lots of people from my life and get a picture of how they are doing, but usually by the time I am done reading through my newsfeed I walk away feeling heavy. I can go from reading something really thought-provoking, to something that makes me laugh, to tragedy, and the whole host of woes that people are always sharing with everyone. All within a matter of minutes my emotions have ran the whole gamut. It is exhausting, and I am burned out with it. I have been cutting back for awhile now, stopping myself when I begin to feel the "have to check Facebook" need that that is baloney. And it is nice. To go to sleep at night and NOT need to know what everyone else is doing before they go to sleep. I want to disconnect. Because I have a feeling it will give me more emotional energy to connect with those who matter the most to me.
  So here goes... A little less Facebook for me (and then I post this to Facebook... geez).